


A Nickname

by SweetSamOfMine (AudreeJo)



Series: Olivia [5]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Happy Sam, Happy Sam Winchester, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-29
Updated: 2014-04-29
Packaged: 2018-01-21 05:30:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1539425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AudreeJo/pseuds/SweetSamOfMine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean has been ...difficult... since he discovered Sam and Liv's relationship, but thankfully that gives them more of an excuse to spend time alone together. However, as Sam starts to open up to Liv about his past, things get a little complicated.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Nickname

**Author's Note:**

> This is a a tiny, fluffy piece that goes with the first original-character fic I post called "Olivia: Introduction." This fic takes place about a month after "Introduction" and should probably only be read after you read that one.

     It had been about two hours since Liv and Sam had seen a tree go by, but they had more flat, grass pastures to take in than they could have ever wished for. Liv and the Winchesters had set off from Phoenix the day before and were headed to Lexington. Dean and the Impala sped down I35N while Liv tried to keep up in her less-impressive charcoal-colored “mom car,” a name that had been lovingly given to her ride by Dean. As Liv accelerated to close the gap a bit between her car and Dean’s, this nickname jumped into her mind and made her roll her eyes absent-mindedly.

      Sam loved when he got a chance to ride in Liv’s car on their numerous cross country road trips from job to job. She rented a cheap storage unit for it in Dalhart, Texas, and most of the time that’s where it stayed. Sometimes she’d have the boys drop her off on their way through so she could get it and ride off without them if a different hunt drew her in her own direction, or if she had  “stuff” to attend to elsewhere. --Sam wasn’t always comfortable about how vague Liv could be about where she ran off to from time to time, but he never pressed her for information. He understood better than anyone that everyone has secrets, parts of themselves they had to protect. That didn’t keep him from checking in on her ever so often via text.-- Then, when she was done with whatever it was that took her away from them, she’d call and somehow find a way to make it work with a route the boys were already planning to take to swing back by Dalhart and pick her up from the cafe up the street from where she had locked her car up.

     But sometimes, she’d meet up with them in the city they were already working and follow the Impala around with her own music blaring, singing along uninhibited. Sam would catch himself glancing back at her in the Impala’s passenger side-view mirror, stifling laughter as he rode along with Dean. Liv had been known to sing along when she rode with the Winchesters in the back seat from time to time, but she had clearly been holding back based on what Sam saw in the mirror.

     It wasn’t long after Dean discovered what he flippantly referred to as Liv and Sam’s “fling” that Liv decided she needed her own car again while she traveled with the boys. Dean had been difficult, to say the least, for about a month now, and it was clear he needed a little distance from the two of them, or maybe they needed distance from him, or… perhaps they just wanted to be alone as much as possible… but whatever the reason, Sam was getting to ride with Liv in her “mom car” on this twenty-six hour road trip, and it was exactly what he needed.

     Liv always asked him if he wanted to drive. She always asked what music he’d like to listen to. She’d always adjust the vents on the dash to make sure he was comfortable with the temperature. And even though he was nearly twice her size and always wore his seat belt, any time she braked unexpectedly she would throw out her arm to brace him out of some habit she had formed years before. It was a different world in Liv’s car where he wasn’t just a fixture in the front seat, but alive and recognizable. Liv never missed an opportunity to acknowledge him.

     “We have about ….ten more hours to go until Kentucky,” Liv declared, as she checked the mileage on her dashboard. They were nearly to Wichita, Kansas. Without taking her eyes off the road as she drove, she grabbed her iPhone from the cupholder and tossed it over to Sam. “My hour is up. Plug your iPod in and you pick the next playlist.”

     Instead, Sam opened her music app. The last hour they had listened to the original off Broadway cast recording of _The Last Five Years_ , what Liv claimed to be one of the most under appreciated but beautiful musicals she had ever heard. He smiled as he scrolled through the rest of her library. There was album after album of Broadway musicals, classic rock, some big band, really bad pop songs, some random bands he had never heard of before, and a few audio books. Some of the song titles from the original cast recording of _Book of Mormon_ actually made him laugh out loud.

     “What’s so funn- _stop scrolling through my music_!” Liv laughed as she realized he was looking through her iTunes. She punched Sam in the shoulder playfully as she tried to wrestle her phone back with one arm.

     “Hey!” Sam exclaimed with a grin. “You’re supposed to be driving!” He shrugged her off and held the phone as far away from her as he could.

     “Well, don’t make fun of my music. I’ll pull this car over right now.” She put on a faux stern face and glanced sideways at Sam, but the asshole just kept smiling at her with one of his eyebrows cocked. He knew exactly how to break her down. It was a fun game that Liv loved to lose. “But seriously,” she said, the corners of her mouth curling up completely on their own. “What do you want to listen to?”

     Liv liked to make sure Sam got to choose the music at least half the time when he rode with her. She loved classic rock and she loved to ride in the Impala, but she couldn’t imagine having to do so for years and years listening to the same handful of songs over and over again. Dean wasn’t really great at sharing the tunes. How Sam had not gone crazy, Liv had no idea. She assumed he just started blocking it out at some point.

     Sam continued to scroll through Liv’s app. “Uh, you know,” he began. “Why don’t you choose for this hour, too?” Sam hadn’t even reached for his iPod.

     Liv glanced over at him, surprised, “Are you sure?”

     “Yeah,” he replied. He extended his arm over to briefly brush some of her hair behind her ear as he nodded.

     Her grin accidentally widened. “Ok. _Ok_! But maybe this time I can put my musical playlist on random and show you some of my favorite ones. That way you can get some variety and maybe…. .” As she raced off into a long explanation of the playlist she was about to choose, how many different musicals were actually on it, who her favorite tenor was, and how she had mastered the art of recognizing and skipping songs on random within the first few seconds of their intro without having to look away from the road, Sam settled back in his seat and beamed at her.

     He didn’t need to listen to his iPod. Not right then at least. He just wanted to focus on this feeling a little longer. He didn’t love musicals but he _did_ love listening to her tell him about her favorite songs, and he especially loved when she tried to find songs that she felt he would specifically enjoy. He loved that she wanted to share her interests with him. He loved that she was comfortable enough around him to sing like she had when she was alone in her car. Even when her voice was a little strained during high notes, and she was off just slightly, he loved it, because she didn’t care that he heard her imperfect voice. She trusted him not to judge her. She trusted him to let her be herself. It had been a long time since someone had so willingly given him their trust without fine print.

     Sam loved that during really powerful songs she’d reach her hand over to him and feign a dramatic gesture in the air, then laugh. He loved during songs that he could tell particularly meant something to her, she’d get emotional but try to pretend she hadn’t. He even loved that he’d find himself humming some of the musical numbers hours later, causing Dean to raise his eyebrow at Sam a time or two. But mostly he loved the way it made him feel to watch her take complete joy in something, even if it was as small a something as sharing a playlist with him. Energy radiated off of her like she was made of light and it was warm and refreshing.

     The truth was he had forgotten what it had felt like to be valued for more than just his hunting skills. He forgot what it was like to enjoy simple things, stupid things, frivolous things. To enjoy a ride across country, not in spite of the company, but because of it. He forgot what it had been like to know someone cared about him without him feeling he had to prove that he was worthy of it. He had forgotten what it felt like to be asked his opinion about something other than hunting. He had forgotten what it was like to be considered in making plans, even as small as what song was up next. He had forgotten what it was like to feel like his presence mattered for more than just obligation or necessity. He had forgotten what it felt like to know the person who was talking to him genuinely enjoyed to do so.

     When Sam sat back in his seat and listened to Liv share with him, he remembered it all and it filled him up to the brim. So _no_ , he didn’t need to get out his iPod and put on his own music. The fact that she had asked him to in the first place meant enough to him. The fact that she continued to fill him up -even when she wasn’t trying- was enough. She was enough.

     She continued to remind him that he was worthwhile, that he deserved to feel joy, that he still had the _ability_ to feel joy.

     After skipping over a few songs with an explanation for each one as to why she was rejecting it as part of her share-with-Sam hour, Liv landed on one that made her cry out excitedly. “ _This one_!” she exclaimed, sitting up straight in the driver’s seat. “This one makes me think of you, Sammy bec-” Suddenly it felt like the air was sucked out of the car. Liv barricaded the rest of that sentence off as she clapped her hand over her mouth. Embarrassment burned her cheeks and she glanced over at Sam, still holding her hand up to her mouth. She only brought it away to turn the music off, then words flew from her like caged birds being set free. “I’m sorry, Sam! ‘Sammy’ just came out. I have no idea why I call you that sometimes, but it just jumps into my mouth… I’m sorry. I know that-”

     “No, no,” Sam assured her. “It’s ok.”

     “No-” She felt slightly sick that she had slipped up again. There was no way she was about to let him accommodate _her_. “No, it’s not alright. You confided in me, Sam, you explained... and I feel really bad-”

     Sam exhaled, brow furrowed. He also wasn’t used to anyone feeling genuinely apologetic towards him and he wasn’t sure how to handle it. Mostly, he just wanted her to stop feeling bad because, besides the fact that he knew she didn’t mean anything by it, hearing her call him “Sammy” hadn’t actually bothered him this time.

 

*****

     It was a night in Phoenix about a week before when Sam and Liv were tangled up in her hotel room bed. It had been a long day, as most were during a job, and the two of them were both exhausted. Sam laid flat on his back, completely sprawled out across the bed, unintentionally taking up most of the space. This didn’t bother Liv because she didn’t want her own space. She was curled up with her face resting gently in the crook of Sam’s neck, her arm laid across his chest and her hand up at Sam’s face to caress his jaw line. His arm cradled her against him, his hand stroking her shoulder. From time to time, Liv would press her lips to his skin.

     They sat for a very long time like this, saying nothing, just resting, until Liv’s sweet kisses traveled up to Sam’s face and soon he was kissing her back hungrily, with his hands in her hair to keep it from falling down in their faces. He shifted, lifting against the headboard so that he was sitting up, underneath her. He moved his lips down to her jaw, to the space just beneath her ear, to where her neck met her shoulder, to her collarbone, and while he did this she whispered against his ear his name over and over: “ _Sam… Sam…my Sammy…”_

     She felt him go rigid beneath her and immediately realized she had done something wrong. She pulled away from him to see his face and could tell he was trying to recover, to conceal that something had jarred him, but it was no use.

     “I’m sorry,” she began, unsure of how to address the issue. “It just came out, I- Was it weird, it’s _weird_ , right? Because that’s what Dean calls you…” She started to feel herself spiral into an awkward vortex of embarrassment.

     Sam shook his head. It wasn’t that. Actually, it barely registered anymore that Dean called him that. Maybe that’s why it had momentarily rattled him? Who was the last person he heard call him that besides Dean or besides enemies using it ironically?

      _No_... this was not a thread he was prepared to pull on, but Liv’s face told him she was mortified. He had to put her out of her misery. “No. No,” he repeated. “No. It’s not that. It really isn’t.”

     He felt her relax a little as she shifted from sitting on top of him to sitting beside him. She tucked her feet underneath her and look on at Sam, expectantly. He wasn’t sure what she wanted him to say next, but the concern in her eyes made him feel guilty. Even though he had no idea this would happen or that he’d react this way if it did, he felt terrible for the way he had reacted to hearing her say “Sammy.” He didn’t want her to feel badly because of parts of his past she could never understand. It wasn’t her fault. She didn’t deserve to suffer in any way because of his choices, because of his mistakes, because of things he’d take to the grave and beyond harboring guilt for.

     The pain showed on Sam’s face and Liv could actually feel her body wilting like a flower. She didn’t know what she had triggered, but she wished she could take it all back. This was most definitely the opposite of her intention when she slipped up and called him something that, to her, was the most affectionate and loving form of his name. It escaped her mouth like a praise, like a whisper of devotion, like a tribute to everything about him she thought was beautiful. “Ok,” Liv breathed, feebly. “Can I… can I ask what it _was_ then?”

     Sam stared at her for what seemed like a very long time. As he thought through if he should be honest or spare her, his brows pulled together into the crinkle Liv loved so much. After how great she seemed to be dealing with his vagueness about his hallucinations and everything that went with them, he felt like he owed her a little candor. He took a deep breath.

     “A few years ago, I thought I had lost Dean,” Sam paused. He hadn’t talked about this part of his life in a long time and the words felt like razorblades in his mouth, but even so Sam felt exhilarated that he was about to share something about himself with someone for the first time since… well, he actually couldn’t remember the last time he had confided in anyone. As the length of his pause increased, Liv reached down and grabbed Sam’s hand, pulling it up to cradle it against her chest.

     “Sam, you don’t have to talk about it. It’s ok. I don’t need to hear-”

     “No,” protested Sam. “I need you to.”

     Liv nodded uneasily.

     “I was pretty sure he was dead,” Sam continued, skipping some of the details like...Dean was in Hell, he had sold his soul, Sam was squatting in abandoned houses hoping desperately to trade his own soul to get Dean back, small details like that…. “I had hit rock bottom when a demon named Ruby tracked me down.” He spit her name out like it tasted bad on his tongue. “Dean and I had worked with her before. She tried to help… she had seemed to try to help us save Dean. At first I didn’t want anything to do with her but…  She cleaned me up, she took the bottle out of my hand, and she kept me from throwing my life away. I trusted her ...I trusted her.”

     Liv’s eyes narrowed. Sam couldn’t decide if she was judging him for trusting a demon or just taking in the fact that a demon had seemingly tried to help save both the Winchesters’ lives. Sam tended to lean towards believing most everyone was judging him, though, so it didn’t really matter.

     He continued, deciding to skip to the important part. He wasn’t ready to reveal what Ruby had lead him to do or that that is what eventually lead him to jump into the Cage, and coincidentally, was why he was sporadically suffering from hallucinations… hallucinations that were of a satanic nature. All of that seemed a little overwhelming to tag on here at the end of why hearing her call him “Sammy” had sent him off.

     “When Dean turned up alive, there was a lot of tension with him and Ruby. She was helpful, and Dean was on board at first, but then he… _wasn’t_. During this big job, she convinced me the way to save the most people was to follow her plan-” Being this vague was actually really exhausting. “It had been a year, she had proven herself time and time again… She saved my life countless times but more than that, she believed in me. More than it felt anyone else had believed in me in a long time...” Sam felt disgust at his own words because it rang in his ears like he was trying to justify himself, which is the last thing he --of all people- would do. But he wanted Liv to understand as much of the picture as he could allow, for now.

     Liv hadn’t let go of Sam’s hand. Her face had softened into the saddest expression he had ever seen on her face.

     “Anyway,” Sam sighed, shaking his head. “I let her get very close. Closer than I should have. She was the first person I allowed to call me ‘Sammy’ other than Dean. She knew what that meant, and she… I mean, she used how much I trusted her and what I believed she was helping me to do against me… “ Remembering this part made Sam actually feel physically sick. He turned his eyes to the bedspread and continued shaking his head. “It was the biggest rift in our relationship I think there’s ever been. Me and Dean, I mean. It’s hard for me to forgive myself for allowing her in that deep, but now -I have a really hard time trusting my own judgment.” At the very least, Sam could understand better why he had been triggered after verbally processing through it. Liv was truly the first woman since Ruby he had been in any kind of relationship with (aside from the trysts he had had while soulless).

     Hearing “Sammy” wasn’t a big deal when it was from Dean or a snarky baddie, but hearing it from Liv was different. When she said it, the name held power. It was intimate. It hearkened back to the moment Ruby had first used it on him --maybe, to test the waters and see how deep she had had her claws in him-- and it reminded him of when he paused the first time he heard it said in Ruby’s voice, and how he processed through whether or not to let it go, or allow it. That moment is where everything took a turn. It was something he hadn’t decided if he could allow ever again.

     “Sam,” Liv said to draw Sam’s eyes back to her face. Her tone was as sincere and genuine as she could make it. “I won’t ever call you that again.”

     No more words were spent that night. After she made her declaration, she leaned in and kissed him firmly, pulled his face away to look at him and noted that she couldn’t tell if his brow was furrowed with gratitude or uncertainty, but she didn’t ask and he didn’t offer any more explanations. He pulled her in close to him so they could shuffle back into the position they had started in and that’s how they fell asleep.

 

******

     Sam shifted uncomfortably in his seat as Liv finished apologizing profusely for calling him “Sammy” again. He tried to assure her, repeatedly, that it really was fine, that he wasn’t just saying that, but he could tell from the look in her eyes she didn’t fully believe him. And he couldn’t blame her after the reaction he had had to it only days before.

     The music stayed off for what seemed like an eternity, but Liv couldn’t bring herself to turn it back on as they continued down the road. With every second that ticked by, the crushing weight of her embarrassment seemed to smother her. But it wasn’t just embarrassment… no, she felt like she had let Sam down and that was worse than anything else. She could do awkward. That she could handle easily. God knows she wouldn’t have been able to make it through life if she hadn’t mastered dealing with finding herself in awkward situations. But this, _this_ couldn’t be laughed at later, at least not by her. If time travel could have been real, she would have selfishly used it to go back and stop herself from letting that word slip in the first place.

     They settled into the quiet for the next thirty minutes or so until - _luckily-_ \- Liv saw the Impala’s blinker go on as they approached an exit sign for a gas station and corner store. Dean pulled up to an old, beat-up gas pump and Liv did the same. Sam nodded at her with a small smile before he wordlessly jumped out and began fueling up the car. She watched him for a moment in the rearview mirror, sighed, thankful for something to break the tension she had created, then hopped out of the car herself. She approached the Winchester brothers, one on either side of the pump discussing how much longer they had on this road trip before they met their goal.

     She waved at Dean who only raised an eyebrow and tipped his head at her. “I’m gonna run into the shop,” she said, weakly. “Do you guys want anything?”

     “I’m good,” Dean replied.

     Sam smiled, politely. “No thanks.”

     With a nod, Liv turned sharply on her heels and headed towards the store. Sam watched her shake out her arms a little as she walked. It was something he expected her to do because she did it any time she wanted to clear the image of the last thing that had happened out of her mind. He had seen her do this a few times during a hunt if something especially gruesome or unexpected occurred. He was sure when he saw her get out of the car that she needed to shake the last thirty minutes of that car ride off of her. He started feeling guilty again for the fact that Liv felt bad. It was something he couldn’t help but feel even though he knew he couldn’t have prevented any of it. Guilt was just his default.

     Still absent-mindedly starring toward the corner store, Sam ask Dean, “So has it been good riding alone this time?”

     “Yeah,” Dean replied with conviction. “I’m going through my Zeppelin anthology.”

     A smirk formed on Sam’s face as he replaced the gas cap. “Sounds _good_.”

     Both boys returned to their cars. Dean didn’t wait for Liv to finish up in the store before he took off. He made a habit of doing that because he wanted to keep making “mom car” cracks at Liv’s expense and this way he knew she’d never catch up to him.

     Sam settled back into the front seat, waiting patiently, watching Liv through the store window.

     He kept thinking about what the name “Sammy” had meant to him over the years. It used to be what his mother called him when he was a baby, or so he was told, and apparently so had his father and so had Dean. She called him that because she loved him, his family loved him.

     Then it was used as a way to keep him Dean’s younger brother, especially when Sam had grown to be much larger than Dean. It was used as a way to keep him in his place, to remind him he was supposed to fall in line. But then it was also used to remind him that Dean loved him, and in Dean’s way, “Sammy” could mean “I love you” or “It’s going to be okay” just as easily as it could stand for Sam Winchester, himself.

     With Ruby it was something he allowed because he let himself be vulnerable with someone for the first time since Jess, and he trusted her more than almost anyone. She took advantage of that, but he knew he let her call him that because he believed that it was something only people who loved him would call him. That’s what it meant. The name started as affection. It started as an endearment. It could be that again or maybe something completely new.

     Liv wasn’t Ruby and while Sam still couldn’t completely trust himself, he couldn’t help but trust Liv.

 

     Liv returned and plopped down in the driver’s seat eagerly. She seemed to be in slightly better spirits than she had been when she entered the store.

     “Ok, so this place is actually a lot nicer inside than you’d expect,” she declared. “I found some M&Ms and a Dr. Pepper,” she grabbed them out of the bag triumphantly and arranged them in the cup holder next to her. “And, I know you said you didn’t want anything but I saw these organic hard candies and I couldn’t pass them up!” She pulled them out of the bag and tossed them at him. “They’re cherry, I don’t know if you like that flavor, but they have no preservatives or anything, and… I don’t know… don’t you usually look for organic stuff?” She laughed and didn’t wait for him to answer. “Anyways, I’ve never paid attention to that kind of stuff until I met you, but now any time I see it I pick it up to read the packaging.”

     She turned to put her seat belt on. Sam inspected the candy as a smile split his face. He looked up at her from underneath his crinkled brow to see that, out of habit, she was double checking his vents to make sure they were still pointed at him before she started the car. He knew that he was just staring at her without saying anything, but he couldn’t help it. He couldn’t stop looking at her. She stopped fussing over the dashboard and playfully exclaimed, “ _What_?”

     “Liv, I think I love you,” Sam said flatly, like he was pointing out a fact rather than expressing an emotion. He was actually kind of surprised that it had come out so easily. It’s not something he was used to saying. It’s not something he thought he’d ever say again. “I don’t care if you call me Sammy. I … I don’t mind it. I am actually _ok_ with it. I _want_ you to call me that.” There was a smile on his lips and in both of his eyes.

     Liv was pretty well astonished. Her mouth hung open as the slight shock settled in a wave and passed into some sort of euphoria. She decided she needed to bring him candy more often. All she could do was stare back at him in silence, not because she didn’t absolutely love him back, but because words seemed like a completely lost concept.

     “Now let’s trade,” suggested Sam. “I wanna drive for a while.” He turned from her with a wink and smoothly exited the car.

     Liv hesitated for a second, still bewildered by what had just occurred, but as soon as she got her wits about her, she tore out of the car. She met him around the front by the drivers-side headlight, jumping up and wrapping her arms around his neck. He caught her, crushing her into one of his most powerful embraces. Her feet dangled just a bit above the ground as he held her.

     “I love you,” she whispered against his ear. “Oh, I love you, _too_. I love you, too.”

     “I know,” he whispered back into her hair. Then he lowered her down, kissed her forehead, and headed for the drivers-side door. They climbed in, Sam started the engine, and Liv plugged Sam’s iPod in.

     Together they set off and Sam was going to make sure the “mom car” caught the Impala.

 

 


End file.
